What Now?

Seeing it's been almost two months since I last posted anything, I figured I'd better update this thing. There's been a lot happening in one way, and in another way, nothing.

I'm going through a period of re-evaluating and re-organizing my life. So much happened all at once in the early months of this year that I'm sort of still in shock. My goals were changed when I couldn't find work in Georgia and had to leave Atlanta Bible College. My sense of self-worth suffered major blows when I couldn't relate to people there, and was reminded that I've never been real good at relating to people. Then on top of that my mother died, and my wife has been having her own issues, so I can't rely on her like I used to.

I've been fighting off depression, anxiety, apathy, fear, bitterness, and several other emotions I can't even identify. I need lots of prayer and understanding.

My immediate goals are up in the air as well. The inheritance I received takes some of the financial pressure off, but it won't last forever (we invested some of it, though). But more importantly, I don't know what I want to do with my life. I got a degree in computer programming back in the 90's but have yet to use it, as everybody says they hire from within their own company. Programmers start off as something else, from what I've been told. That's what I intended when I got the job at Carrol's back in Syracuse. But I was there for six years and went nowhere. So now the only "experience" I have is helpdesk, but most of the places I've interviewed for here want experience in other things that I only dabbled in at Carrol's. Besides, I don't want to do helpdesk for the rest of my life.

I went to ABC because I had thought God wanted me to be a pastor, but now I'm not so sure, and I don't even think I really want to go that way anymore. But I don't know what I do want to do. And besides, I don't even know who I am. I feel in many ways the same way I felt in my teens and early twenties, and that's pretty sad at my age.

I hope things will turn around, but I am in a state of transition right now. Anybody who reads this and is so inclined can certainly pray for me. It would be appreciated.